Done and Undone

Posted By on March 29, 2011 at 8:02 am

As the 49th anniversary of my having shuffled onto this mortal coil approaches — all too rapidly — I was recently thinking about some of the things I have done, or not done, in my 30+ years of being an adult.

  • I’ve been a soldier, a student, a clerk, an engineer, a writer, and one or two other things.
  • I’ve jumped out of a helicopter in flight, into a pitch-black night, without being able to see the ground.
  • I’ve broken up a bar brawl, by picking up and carrying combatants out of the fight.
  • I’ve prevented a bar brawl, merely by being bigger than everyone else in the room.
  • I’ve ridden horses… and been thrown from a horse.
  • I’ve met more than one of my personal heroes, including a recipient of the Medal of Honor.
  • I’ve watched a firefight.
  • I’ve won a drinking contest.
  • I’ve broken numerous small bones — wrist, foot, thumb.
  • I’ve had frostbite.
  • I’ve been a groomsman.
  • I’ve been an extra in a movie.
  • I’ve been to a toga party.
  • I’ve participated in a “Chinese fire drill” — in traffic.
  • I’ve written a computer program.
  • I’ve driven across the entire continental US.
  • I’ve flown an airplane.
  • I’ve crashed a car.
  • I’ve cooked a complete meal for a woman I cared for.
  • I’ve stayed awake for four days straight.
  • I’ve sung for an audience.

On the other hand…

  • I’ve never ridden a motorcycle.
  • I’ve never been to Europe.
  • I’ve never taken a girl to a drive-in movie.
  • I’ve never fired a shot in anger.
  • I’ve never invented anything.
  • I’ve never been ballroom dancing.
  • I’ve never gambled in a casino.
  • I’ve never sailed a boat.
  • I’ve never seen Gone With The Wind.
  • I’ve never changed a diaper.
  • I’ve never owned or learned to play a musical instrument.
  • I’ve never hitchhiked.
  • I’ve never broken a long bone — arm or leg.
  • I’ve never been on a cruise.
  • I’ve never been to Mardi Gras.
  • I’ve never thrown a punch.
  • I’ve never been married nor had kids.
  • I’ve never been called for jury duty.
  • I’ve never had my taxes audited.

Oops, I spoke too soon on that last one. I just got the audit notice yesterday.

My life may not be complete, but I can check off that particular box. Good thing I keep records.

Dammit.

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