BREAKING: MUST CREDIT “THUS SPAKE RUSS”

Posted By on April 12, 2011 at 2:06 pm

(April 12, 2011 – Apex, NC) An unnamed source in my house has confirmed that even at this late date I have never heard a Justin Bieber song, avoiding any potentially fatal earworms or loss of masculinity.

Queried further, the source revealed that my reactions to the name “Justin Bieber” have ranged from “That punk who got blown away on CSI? Yeah, that was pretty good” to “the kid needs a haircut, he looks like a low-functioning moron.”

Additionally, I was heard to mutter deprecations about the state of “damn kids these days,” as well as parents who can’t teach their brats how to properly use a comb.

Attempts to reach me directly for further comment failed, as I was busy listening to a Pink Floyd CD.

Updates to follow as the situation warrants. Which it won’t.

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