My take on last night’s GOP debaters, as if the debate had in fact been a Thanksgiving dinner.
Posted By Russ Emerson on August 12, 2011 at 10:04 am
Occupied as I was with work last night, I had the GOP debate last night on the TV, but I kept the volume turned down so I could focus on routers. I get most of my coverage from the web, anyway.
I was able to catch brief moments here and there, however, from which I was able to draw certain impressions of the participants.
In no particular order, then:
- Herman Cain is rather a lot like the dad at the head of the table. Gruff and stern sounding, he is in fact a pretty decent guy. Like dads everywhere, though, he has a tendency to occasionally do or say something that’s want-to-die embarrassing.
- Tim Pawlenty resembles the cook for whom the dinner has to be the best ever — the result had better be worth the many hours sweating over a hot stove, or the family may just have to get someone else.
- Michelle Bachmann is the precocious 12-year-old who’s been invited to sit at the grown-ups table for the first time. Despite a lack of adult experience, she’s got something to say about pretty much everything, and you mostly wish she would just shut up for three minutes please, even though almost everything she says is factually correct.
- Mitt Romney is the oldest brother. He has just completed his third leveraged buy out; he’s now contemplating medical school as a bit of a change of pace. Of course he aced his MCAT. He gets stood up on dates as often as not.
- Rick Santorum gets seated all the way at the foot of the table; most of the best bits of food never make it to him, but when he gets his teeth into a drumstick he doesn’t let go. Much to everyone’s surprise, he never seems to get gravy on himself.
- Jon Huntsman shows up for dinner, but no one can recall who invited him or with whom he arrived. Everyone addresses him as “Jim” but he never complains or corrects them — he’s just happy to be there.
- Doctor Ron Paul (you mustn’t forget the Doctor, or his followers get cranky) reminds me of nothing so much as the frequently drunk and always crazy uncle who you’re required to invite to all family occasions, but you sincerely wish he’d call to tell you he’d already made other plans. His showing up is bad enough, but it’s compounded by the fact that he never travels anywhere without his pack of howling mutts.
- Newt Gingrich is the cousin everyone enjoys talking to, but at the end of the get-together no one wants to give him a ride home.
I’m nowhere near deciding who I will support for the nomination.
On the other hand, I can summarily dismiss Jon “Who?” Hunstman as well as Ron “anti-Semitic crank” Paul.
I do wish Thaddeus McCotter had been at the debate.
More from Jeff and Darlene, both at Protein Wisdom.
Michelle Bachmann is the precocious 12-year-old who’s been invited to sit at the grown-ups table for the first time. Despite a lack of adult experience, she’s got something to say about pretty much everything, and you mostly wish she would just shut up for three minutes please, even though almost everything she says is factually correct.
I have a relative like that, only minus the last 7 words.
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