You can just bet…

Posted By on March 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

You can just bet that right now in Hollywood, at the offices of the tools who produce “Law & Order,” a “Trayvon Martin” script is in the works — ripped, as they say, from the headlines.

But there will be a twist. With L&O, there’s always a twist.

And they invariably twist leftwards.

The prologue: an African immigrant, female, a member of her neighborhood watch, shoots and kills a white teen in suspicious circumstances. She is released by the cops because it was apparently self defense — we’ll pretend that any shooter in New York would be let loose, unprosecuted.

Community outrage ensues; a clearly right-wing radio host — we’ll say his name is “John Sanity” — no resemblance to any actual conservative radio hosts intended, of course — calls her a slut, and goes so far as to give out her address on Twitter — the number is emphasized for the viewers’ benefit.

Cut to the smoldering remains of a house; the camera focuses on the street number of the house as we hear an arson investigator refer to a Molotov cocktail, and five victims named Johansson (or something equally non-African-immigrant, to emphasize the point.) Obviously, the address to which the lynch mob was sent was the wrong address.

Opening credits. Doink doink.

Investigation follows, and after a labyrinthine trail of leads and mistaken arrests, a prototypical skinhead / white-trash / klansman / GOP operative is finally hauled in. Under questioning, he ultimately cops to throwing the Molotov cocktail, but claims he was incited to do so by the radio host.

The detectives seek advice from the lawyers in the District Attorney’s office, and develop a theory of the crime that could pin murder charges on almost any Republican, but especially conservative radio talk show hosts.

Cut to a radio studio; “John Sanity” is shouting racist invective into the microphone. Live, on air, detectives burst into the studio and arrest the host on five counts of murder. One of the detectives makes a witty remark about arson and hot air.

Halftime. Doink doink.

The radio host is arraigned, bailed out, and eventually put on trial; his shady (caucasian, Republican) lawyer (or, given Hollywood’s proclivities these days, maybe an Obviously Jewish Lawyer) uses every trick in the book to get evidence tossed, questions withdrawn, and so on.

The jury — obviously reluctantly — acquits. Radio host “John Sanity” holds a press conference and declares the verdict a victory for the First Amendment.

The DA and his assistant walk away, making regretful remarks about the hate-filled right wing, and wondering when the mass lynchings will begin.

Standard disclaimer about resemblance between the teleplay and any real-world news stories.


Forgotten: the shooter, the victim, the Johanssons.

But hey, as long as conservtives can be made out to be the bad guys, it’s all good, right?


4 Responses to “You can just bet…”

  1. Brad says:

    Are you shoping for tasteful yet undestated two bedroom flat in the heart of tinseltown yet?

  2. It’s L&O. The guilty party MUST be

    1. An Angry White Male
    2. An Angry White Christian
    3. A Conservative Politician
    4. Someone who works for DHS or a Republican administration
    5. Or, ideally, an Angry White Conservative Christian Male working for DHS during a Republican Administration

    I think their favorite episode was when they ripped off Gary Condit and Chondra Levy and made Condit a Republican.