Top Ten Best Things About Being Disabled

Posted By on September 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm

“Oh, you’re disabled, that’s so unfortunate/terrible/sad.” I hear it all the time; I get the pitying looks. Waaah. Cry me a river.

It isn’t all bad.

So here, then, is my Top Ten Best Things About Being Disabled:

  • 10. Unquestionably valid reason to telecommute full time.
  • 9. Blanket permission to cane anyone using the words “handi-capable” or “differently abled.”
  • 8. The “five second rule” is no longer operative.
  • 7. Cute girls hold open doors for me now.
  • 6. Can use the noun “cripple” unironically. Or ironically, whatever. But no one gets to question it.
  • 5. The look of utter confusion on the cats’ faces when I return from an errand away from home.
  • 4. No one ever, ever questions the need for 45-minute “bathroom breaks.”
  • 3. Being homebound becomes opportunity to be the neighborhood hermit every kid needs to be scared of.
  • 2. Always get the best parking space.

And the Number One Best Thing About Being Disabled:

  • 1. Every day is “no pants Friday.”

So it isn’t always terrible… nonetheless, I don’t recommend it.

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