Posted By Russ on September 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm
“Oh, you’re disabled, that’s so unfortunate/terrible/sad.” I hear it all the time; I get the pitying looks. Waaah. Cry me a river.
It isn’t all bad.
So here, then, is my Top Ten Best Things About Being Disabled:
- 10. Unquestionably valid reason to telecommute full time.
- 9. Blanket permission to cane anyone using the words “handi-capable” or “differently abled.”
- 8. The “five second rule” is no longer operative.
- 7. Cute girls hold open doors for me now.
- 6. Can use the noun “cripple” unironically. Or ironically, whatever. But no one gets to question it.
- 5. The look of utter confusion on the cats’ faces when I return from an errand away from home.
- 4. No one ever, ever questions the need for 45-minute “bathroom breaks.”
- 3. Being homebound becomes opportunity to be the neighborhood hermit every kid needs to be scared of.
- 2. Always get the best parking space.
And the Number One Best Thing About Being Disabled:
- 1. Every day is “no pants Friday.”
So it isn’t always terrible… nonetheless, I don’t recommend it.