Ordeal
Posted By Russ Emerson on December 5, 2003 at 10:00 pm
Being male is almost always a great thing. Being over 40, however, takes a bit of the shine off maleness.
The shine really dulls on that one day a year. Guys-over-40, you know what I mean. The much-feared annual doctor visit. The checkup. The physical.
Sure, sure, the blood work-ups are easy. You go in a couple days prior, they stick you, and then send a couple vials of blood off for various tests. Trouble is, I always end up having to have something else checked because of the lab results. Last year it was the gall bladder. This year it’s my liver.
I think my internal organs are conspiring against me.
The doctor clucks, making “tsk tsk” sounds, tells you it’s probably nothing, jots in your file, asks the usual questions. But it’s all an act, designed to lull you into a false sense of security. “Maybe,” you think to yourself, “he will forget about it this year.”
Oh, no, no, no — you aren’t that lucky. He remembers.
First, it’s “Turn your head and…” whatever. Guys, you know what I mean.
Then the dreaded command. “Lean on the exam table.” Inevitably you find yourself having to channel Eric Cartman.
Forget trying to make a joke – he’s heard all of them before. All of them. Don’t even try. It might not have occured to you, but the doctor dreads the whole experience as much as (or perhaps even more than) you do.
Just grit your teeth. Take one for the home team. Lean on the table and think of America.
No wonder we men die younger than women do.