Policy

Posted By on June 4, 2004 at 4:11 pm

I’ve often said that official policies are intended to substitute for rational thought. This is not to say that leader-generated policies are necessarily ridiculous, but when you let bureaucratic hacks and lawyers into the policy-making process, there is little or no check on their pettifogging micromanagement of the lives, behaviors and activities of the people subject to their dictates.
Am I wrong? Consider some of the policies that have issued forth from the HR department at your place of employment.
Consider also the ridiculous “zero-tolerance” policies so prevalent in public schools today. Were it not for an “official policy,” perhaps the people in charge in the following situations might have acted differently:

A sixth-grader gets suspended because of a science project. The project involved cutting an onion. He brought a kitchen knife to school. Bad sixth-grader.

or:

A third-grader has a brother serving in the Army in Afghanistan. The proud third-grader draws a picture of his brother. The drawing shows his brother with a gun. Suspended.

(Examples lifted from today’s Neil Boortz column.)
These policies are ridiculous in the most literal sense of the word.
In certain cases, “well-meaning” bureaucrats came up with these policies after a few highly-publicized school shootings, as if laws against murder didn’t already exist. As if a law is going to stop someone intent on doing mischief or harm. As if a “policy” is going to scare miscreants into behaving.
Boortz approaches the problem from a different angle than I do – his concern is with the effect of these policies. He didn’t intend to address the root cause of the problem.
So why these policies? One word: lawsuits.
The Law used to be a (mostly) noble profession. In many respects, it remains so. I could point you to lawyers I know who maintain the highest ethical standards, and who provide valuable service, whether it is negotiating a contract or drawing up a will.
Sadly, too many lawyers these days look at the “Esquire” after their names as licenses to print money. Something should be done.
I burned my hand pretty badly the other day, but one thought never crossed my mind: who can I sue, and how much can I get?
Perhaps I need to have a zero-tolerance policy for charcoal and bourbon.

Playing With Fire

Posted By on June 2, 2004 at 8:05 pm

Yesterday I fired up my smoker. The pork shoulder was brined and seasoned/rubbed, the weather was perfect, and I had a real hankerin’ for barbecue.
About an hour into the cooking, I noticed that smoke was not issuing forth as it ought to have done. A glance at the thermometer showed the temperature was falling. So naturally, I grabbed a handful of hardwood charcoal chunks and opened the hatch.
Ever see the movie “Backdraft“?
The charcoal and wood-chunk fire had apparently been starved of oxygen (I later realized that I had not opened the vents. Dumb mistake.) Meanwhile, flammable fumes had apparently built up in the smoker… helped, I would imagine, by alcohol from the bourbon added (for flavor, of course) to the water pan inside.
I opened the hatch… letting in the aforementioned oxygen.
For just a fraction of a second, flame shot out of the opening. Even as brief as it was, it resembled the exhaust of an F-14’s jet engine on afterburner. Fire like that could have done some damage if it had been directed at something flammable.
Fortunately, my hand was in the right place to keep the flame from escaping into the wild.
Result: almost no hair left on my arm. Oh, and there’s also the little matter of first and second degree burns on my hand and wrist.
Everything I know, I learned in the Army[1]. My old drill sergeant would have been proud of me as I applied my first-aid training. Either that, or he’d have been berating me as an idiot, I’m not sure which… but I probably deserved both.
So now I’m keeping my hand smeared in antibiotics and bandaged up. What a nuisance. This post took nearly an hour to type.
But the barbecue was amazing.
[1] Yes, everything.